Only 9 more days until the big day. And I'm definitely ready for her to be out!
I know a lot of women would say, you shouldn't want your pregnancy to be over so soon, you're going to miss being pregnant, etc...
This may be true, somewhere down the line. But honestly, I haven't enjoyed pregnancy at all really. I thought I would love being pregnant, but in all honesty, I really, really, really dislike it. Maybe it's because I had such a rough first trimester being constantly (and by constantly I mean 24/7, not being able to eat anything) nauseous and sick. Maybe it's because I've spent SO much time at the dr's and I'm just sick of going to the doctors. Maybe it's because I've never wanted to sleep so much in my life as I have in the past 9 months. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, I just flat out have not thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant.
There have been times where I have loved having her kick and everything after I have been able to feel her move, I will admit that. But as horrible as this sounds, and it's going to make a lot of people cringe probably, I get annoyed with her movement a lot of the time, especially on the days where she is just constantly on the move and really has no where to go because she has no more room in there.
And even though I'm completely exhausted and feel like I sleep more than I do anything else, I'm finding that I really don't sleep that much. Well, at night anyway. Up every hour on the hour, especially if I have a nap during the day. Kind of a sticky situation because I can't make it through most days (like today) without taking a nap. So it's either I'm exhausted and ready for bed by 5PM, so I struggle to stay awake until the fiance has to go to work or I take a nap and don't sleep at night. It's a lose lose situation. Although, I suppose I should get used it.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Poor Decisions and Rendering the Consequences
Why do we have such a hard time coping with the fact that we make bad decisions?
Why do we have to complain about the situations that we get ourselves into when we conciously make a poor decision?
Why can't we live with the fact that we just made a poor decision and got ourselves into a sticky situation, get out of it as best as we can, and forget about it?
This is something I can't understand. I understand the fact that we are all going to make poor decisions and make mistakes in our lifetimes. However, what I don't fully comprehend are those who constantly make poor decisions, despite advice from others after they ask for it repeatedly, but then constantly complain that they are in a sticky or a foul situation. You made a conscious decision, one that you knew at the time probably was not the right move. Everyone does it. It's part of our nature. There are definitely just times where we have to test our boundaries, our limits, what is right and what is wrong in our own minds. However, we should also be able to render the consequences that come along with the decisions that we make.
So I guess my question is this: why make a conciously bad decision/poor choice when you know ahead of time what the consequence will be?
For example: This is something I have seen happen a lot with girls (myself a few times included, I won't lie). They like a guy, who is obviously treating them poorly, but yet they continue to give everything they have to him. They know that he is probably just using them as a ploy, for sex, for whatever. Yet, they continue to do whatever they can to please him. And then complain about the situation they have gotten themselves into, saying they don't know how they got there and that they don't know what to do. Yes, I have been there. Yes, I did my fair share of complaining. However, I look back on these situations now, and just ask myself: why was I so stupid? And why couldn't I have just accepted that I made a poor decision in something and must now live with the consquences?
Maybe it is just part of who we are, and it's just something we grow out of. Maybe, we don't grow out of it. Maybe, we just grow more conscious of the fact that we are making a mistake, and we still have to live with the consequences, but we just need something to complain about it. Maybe this question just doesn't have an answer.
Who knows.
Why do we have to complain about the situations that we get ourselves into when we conciously make a poor decision?
Why can't we live with the fact that we just made a poor decision and got ourselves into a sticky situation, get out of it as best as we can, and forget about it?
This is something I can't understand. I understand the fact that we are all going to make poor decisions and make mistakes in our lifetimes. However, what I don't fully comprehend are those who constantly make poor decisions, despite advice from others after they ask for it repeatedly, but then constantly complain that they are in a sticky or a foul situation. You made a conscious decision, one that you knew at the time probably was not the right move. Everyone does it. It's part of our nature. There are definitely just times where we have to test our boundaries, our limits, what is right and what is wrong in our own minds. However, we should also be able to render the consequences that come along with the decisions that we make.
So I guess my question is this: why make a conciously bad decision/poor choice when you know ahead of time what the consequence will be?
For example: This is something I have seen happen a lot with girls (myself a few times included, I won't lie). They like a guy, who is obviously treating them poorly, but yet they continue to give everything they have to him. They know that he is probably just using them as a ploy, for sex, for whatever. Yet, they continue to do whatever they can to please him. And then complain about the situation they have gotten themselves into, saying they don't know how they got there and that they don't know what to do. Yes, I have been there. Yes, I did my fair share of complaining. However, I look back on these situations now, and just ask myself: why was I so stupid? And why couldn't I have just accepted that I made a poor decision in something and must now live with the consquences?
Maybe it is just part of who we are, and it's just something we grow out of. Maybe, we don't grow out of it. Maybe, we just grow more conscious of the fact that we are making a mistake, and we still have to live with the consequences, but we just need something to complain about it. Maybe this question just doesn't have an answer.
Who knows.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Christmas, New Years, and the Countdown to B-day
Merry belated Christmas to everyone! I hope you all had a very happy and fun holiday! Things were hectic for me. I traveled back to eastern PA to visit my parents and other family for a week for Christmas. What an extremely long week that was! Between shopping, seeing family/friends, the baby shower, Christmas...I was pooped! But, it was a good trip all in all.
Madison got a ridiculous amount of clothes (among other awesome things) at the baby shower. Hopefully she will be able to wear all of them! Her nursery is coming along splendidly, I just wish we could do more with it. However, renting an apartment makes it difficult. But, I am going to do with it what I can and make the best of it.
New Years should be fairly quiet this year, as with most years for me. But, this year is special because I finally get to spend New Years with my amazing fiancee. We were dating last year for New Years, but we were still doing the long distance thing so we weren't able to celebrate together. I am very excited to be with him this year. And he has off of work! Yay!
And yes, it is getting closer and closer to what I am going to call B-day (I'm sure I am not the only person in the world to come up with that. I just think it sounds a lot more appropriate than D-day!). Only 5 more weeks until the big day arrives. With any luck, we will actually be able to schedule a date for the induction at the Dr's appointment this Thursday. Speaking of doctors appointments, they are now twice a week from here on out. And I thought I was going to the doctor's a lot before! Twice a week we are now going in for fetal monitoring, just to make sure that she is moving around like she should and that her heart rate increases when she moves. I'm sure we won't have any problems with this. There are days where I don't think she ever stops moving! We are also having sonograms at least once a week from here on out as well. Which is fine with me, I don't mind seeing her once a week and coming home with a picture (when she isn't being stubborn and we can see her face!). This works out well for the fiancee too, because then he gets to see her and hear her heartbeat, which he absolutely loves. I don't think he's really gotten to feel her move, just because of the pure fact that she is so stubborn. She is definitely her parents daughter, that's for sure!
Madison got a ridiculous amount of clothes (among other awesome things) at the baby shower. Hopefully she will be able to wear all of them! Her nursery is coming along splendidly, I just wish we could do more with it. However, renting an apartment makes it difficult. But, I am going to do with it what I can and make the best of it.
New Years should be fairly quiet this year, as with most years for me. But, this year is special because I finally get to spend New Years with my amazing fiancee. We were dating last year for New Years, but we were still doing the long distance thing so we weren't able to celebrate together. I am very excited to be with him this year. And he has off of work! Yay!
And yes, it is getting closer and closer to what I am going to call B-day (I'm sure I am not the only person in the world to come up with that. I just think it sounds a lot more appropriate than D-day!). Only 5 more weeks until the big day arrives. With any luck, we will actually be able to schedule a date for the induction at the Dr's appointment this Thursday. Speaking of doctors appointments, they are now twice a week from here on out. And I thought I was going to the doctor's a lot before! Twice a week we are now going in for fetal monitoring, just to make sure that she is moving around like she should and that her heart rate increases when she moves. I'm sure we won't have any problems with this. There are days where I don't think she ever stops moving! We are also having sonograms at least once a week from here on out as well. Which is fine with me, I don't mind seeing her once a week and coming home with a picture (when she isn't being stubborn and we can see her face!). This works out well for the fiancee too, because then he gets to see her and hear her heartbeat, which he absolutely loves. I don't think he's really gotten to feel her move, just because of the pure fact that she is so stubborn. She is definitely her parents daughter, that's for sure!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Growing babies, School, and Christmas Right Around the Corner
Things haven't been too interesting around here lately. Not too much to blog about, which is why I haven't updated.
Madison is doing well, we got to see her again last week :) She was around 2lbs. 6oz. She's gettin' big! However, it turns out that as well as she is doing, I have gestational diabetes and low platlet counts. Both of which would account for why I have been so exhausted these past couple of months, as well as all my little "episodes" that I have been experiencing after breakfast. Just need to eat better is all!!
Classes are finally done for the semester, and I have never been so happy to be done with a semester in my life. I cannot wait to be done with this school. I've come to really dislike being at this school, and constantly finding myself wanting to transfer and wishing that I had never gone here to begin with. I really wish I could transfer, but with only one semester left (hopefully...if they don't manage to screw me over) for undergraduate, that would be a really stupid thing to do. Especially since this is a private college and I'm sure the majority of my credits wouldn't transfer over. I will definitely not be going here for graduate school though. This school has honestly just been a complete waste of my time, and I honestly feel that I could have done a million times better a different school. Phew, guess I needed to rant!!
It's also really hard to believe that Christmas is only 2 weeks away. Where did the time go?! I feel like it was just Thanksgiving!! Christmas being only 2 weeks away, also means that my one year anniversary with my fiance is only two weeks away as well (pretty easy anniversary to remember if you ask me!!). And what an amazing year it has been. I'm so happy to have him!
Like I said, not much to update with right now but I figured I should post something since I haven't posted anything in a little while!!
Madison is doing well, we got to see her again last week :) She was around 2lbs. 6oz. She's gettin' big! However, it turns out that as well as she is doing, I have gestational diabetes and low platlet counts. Both of which would account for why I have been so exhausted these past couple of months, as well as all my little "episodes" that I have been experiencing after breakfast. Just need to eat better is all!!
Classes are finally done for the semester, and I have never been so happy to be done with a semester in my life. I cannot wait to be done with this school. I've come to really dislike being at this school, and constantly finding myself wanting to transfer and wishing that I had never gone here to begin with. I really wish I could transfer, but with only one semester left (hopefully...if they don't manage to screw me over) for undergraduate, that would be a really stupid thing to do. Especially since this is a private college and I'm sure the majority of my credits wouldn't transfer over. I will definitely not be going here for graduate school though. This school has honestly just been a complete waste of my time, and I honestly feel that I could have done a million times better a different school. Phew, guess I needed to rant!!
It's also really hard to believe that Christmas is only 2 weeks away. Where did the time go?! I feel like it was just Thanksgiving!! Christmas being only 2 weeks away, also means that my one year anniversary with my fiance is only two weeks away as well (pretty easy anniversary to remember if you ask me!!). And what an amazing year it has been. I'm so happy to have him!
Like I said, not much to update with right now but I figured I should post something since I haven't posted anything in a little while!!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
The "S" Word
Well, it is officially winter here in Buffalo. We had our first accumulating snowfall yesterday, and are expecting some more today at some point. I can't say that I am too thrilled about it, because although I love the snow, I aboslutely HATE the cold part. And yes, I am fully aware that you can't have one without the other. A girl can dream, can't she?
I don't really have much to post about other than that today. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, as I hope all of you did as well. Of course, we all ate entirely too much and spent the rest of our night in a food induced coma for the most part, not really doing much of anything. The fiancee and I drove home yesterday morning, a fairly uneventful ride except for the discovery of snow the farther north we went.
Upon our arrival into Buffalo, we found that the winds had made Lake Erie extremely choppy and that the waves were breaking nicely over the barriers (or are they wave breakers? I'm not sure...). We decided to take a little drive down to the waterfront to see if it was worth running home and grabbing cameras. We decided that it was, so we each grabbed a camera and I bundled up as much as I could (I'm a wimp and was already cold, not to mention the fact that there is literally almost a 10 degree difference by the water). Unfortunately, we couldn't get very good pictures of the waves breaking over the barriers, we just weren't in a good spot. I managed to grab some decent pictures though, and would like to share.
I don't really have much to post about other than that today. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, as I hope all of you did as well. Of course, we all ate entirely too much and spent the rest of our night in a food induced coma for the most part, not really doing much of anything. The fiancee and I drove home yesterday morning, a fairly uneventful ride except for the discovery of snow the farther north we went.
Upon our arrival into Buffalo, we found that the winds had made Lake Erie extremely choppy and that the waves were breaking nicely over the barriers (or are they wave breakers? I'm not sure...). We decided to take a little drive down to the waterfront to see if it was worth running home and grabbing cameras. We decided that it was, so we each grabbed a camera and I bundled up as much as I could (I'm a wimp and was already cold, not to mention the fact that there is literally almost a 10 degree difference by the water). Unfortunately, we couldn't get very good pictures of the waves breaking over the barriers, we just weren't in a good spot. I managed to grab some decent pictures though, and would like to share.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving
I know I haven't posted in awhile. Like I've said before, I'm bad at this.
But, anyways.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season, as do many others out there. We are spending this holiday out in Western PA with the fiancee's family, all of whom have been so great to us with everything since this summer and I know we are both very thankful for everything that they have done for us. I am thankful for the fact that they have all welcomed me into the family like they have, along with the very anticipated Baby Madison. We won't have the chance to travel over to the other side of Pennsylvania to see my family this year, as his work schedule doesn't allow it this year. I will be traveling out there for about a week before Christmas and he will follow to visit when his schedule allows it. I know we are both very thankful for my family as well, as they have also helped us out tremendously over the past few months with everything they possibly could.
I am most definitely thankful for my fiancee and how great he has been to me, even though I'm sure I am utterly undeserving most of the time (especially the past few months...thank you hormones for making me pretty unbearable at times I'm sure) and I'm pretty sure that I don't thank him enough for everything that he does for me. He takes wonderful care of me all of the time and is always there for me, no matter what is going on between us, or, how tired he is from work. I am so grateful and blessed to have found him when I did almost a year ago (Happy Anniversary honey) and I am looking forward to see what the many years ahead of us bring.
Last, but definitely NOT least, we are all thankful for Baby Madison. She is very highly anticpated around these parts lately, with only 10 more weeks to go until she is here! We will definitely have our work cut out for us, and that there is going to be a tough road for the first couple of months with everything going on. However, I know that with the unconditional love and support of both of our families, and each other, that the months will go by fast, although most likely not always easy, and by the time we know it she will be turning 1 and we will be wondering where the time went.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with all of those you love. If you are traveling, be safe as I know the weather in most parts is definitely not something to be thankful for this year.
But, anyways.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season, as do many others out there. We are spending this holiday out in Western PA with the fiancee's family, all of whom have been so great to us with everything since this summer and I know we are both very thankful for everything that they have done for us. I am thankful for the fact that they have all welcomed me into the family like they have, along with the very anticipated Baby Madison. We won't have the chance to travel over to the other side of Pennsylvania to see my family this year, as his work schedule doesn't allow it this year. I will be traveling out there for about a week before Christmas and he will follow to visit when his schedule allows it. I know we are both very thankful for my family as well, as they have also helped us out tremendously over the past few months with everything they possibly could.
I am most definitely thankful for my fiancee and how great he has been to me, even though I'm sure I am utterly undeserving most of the time (especially the past few months...thank you hormones for making me pretty unbearable at times I'm sure) and I'm pretty sure that I don't thank him enough for everything that he does for me. He takes wonderful care of me all of the time and is always there for me, no matter what is going on between us, or, how tired he is from work. I am so grateful and blessed to have found him when I did almost a year ago (Happy Anniversary honey) and I am looking forward to see what the many years ahead of us bring.
Last, but definitely NOT least, we are all thankful for Baby Madison. She is very highly anticpated around these parts lately, with only 10 more weeks to go until she is here! We will definitely have our work cut out for us, and that there is going to be a tough road for the first couple of months with everything going on. However, I know that with the unconditional love and support of both of our families, and each other, that the months will go by fast, although most likely not always easy, and by the time we know it she will be turning 1 and we will be wondering where the time went.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with all of those you love. If you are traveling, be safe as I know the weather in most parts is definitely not something to be thankful for this year.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Dr. Who?
I figured I should update, it's been a couple of days (see? I told you I was bad at this!). Went to the doctor's on Tuesday, for the entire day I might add, to see how Baby Madison was doing. We got the ultrasound done, and it looks like she is hanging in there. Her head is a little on the small side the doctor said, but she said it was also normal for babies with gastroschisis as they tend to be a little on the small side. She said it might also be because she is breeched and her head just might be squished from the way she is in utero. Her amnionitc fluid is also a little on the low side, but is right in that category of being between normal and abnormal, so they aren't too concerned with it right now. They said it looks like she is doing fine considering. She's around 1lb 9oz now.
We also met with the pediatric surgeon yesterday (all in all, I saw a ultrasound technician, 4 doctors, 1 nurse, and 2 residents) who explained what was going to happen after she was born. Basically, after she is born they evalute to see how much of the bowel is actually outside of the abdomen and see if they aren't able to push it all back in at once. What happens with the bowel being outside of the body like it is with her, is that it is pinched off due to the small size of the hole in the abdomen and the part of the bowel that is outside of the body becomes englarged and they may not all fit back inside the abdomen at one time. This is also due to the fact that the abdomen itself isn't big enough to hold everything because it doesn't stretch out as much as it usually does if the bowel were to develop within the body. Okay, back to what I was saying. If they are able to push the bowel back in all at one time, they will do so and she will go into surgery right away. However, if they aren't able to do that then they will see how everything is and depending on that, she will either once again go into surgery right away to put a cone over the bowel or they will wait to do it the next morning and just keep the outside bowel moist until then. With the cone, they surgically attach it to her muscle and everyday push the intestine back in a little at a time. This takes anywhere from 7-14 days to be able to fit all the bowel back into the abdomen. Then, when they are finally able to fit everything back in, they will take her back into surgery to put it back in, and fix the hole that was formed and try to recreate a belly button. She then needs to learn how to feed again, as the bowel has to adjust to being back inside the body again and passing food and nutrients through everything. All in all, she will be in the NICU for about 6-8 weeks, depending on how long it takes for them to be able to put the bowel back in and how long it takes for her to be able to feed normally.
I would add some pictures of babies with gastroschisis, but I looked them up the other day and they are quite gross to be honest, so I will spare you the image details. Instead, here's an ultrasound picture of Baby Madison.
We also met with the pediatric surgeon yesterday (all in all, I saw a ultrasound technician, 4 doctors, 1 nurse, and 2 residents) who explained what was going to happen after she was born. Basically, after she is born they evalute to see how much of the bowel is actually outside of the abdomen and see if they aren't able to push it all back in at once. What happens with the bowel being outside of the body like it is with her, is that it is pinched off due to the small size of the hole in the abdomen and the part of the bowel that is outside of the body becomes englarged and they may not all fit back inside the abdomen at one time. This is also due to the fact that the abdomen itself isn't big enough to hold everything because it doesn't stretch out as much as it usually does if the bowel were to develop within the body. Okay, back to what I was saying. If they are able to push the bowel back in all at one time, they will do so and she will go into surgery right away. However, if they aren't able to do that then they will see how everything is and depending on that, she will either once again go into surgery right away to put a cone over the bowel or they will wait to do it the next morning and just keep the outside bowel moist until then. With the cone, they surgically attach it to her muscle and everyday push the intestine back in a little at a time. This takes anywhere from 7-14 days to be able to fit all the bowel back into the abdomen. Then, when they are finally able to fit everything back in, they will take her back into surgery to put it back in, and fix the hole that was formed and try to recreate a belly button. She then needs to learn how to feed again, as the bowel has to adjust to being back inside the body again and passing food and nutrients through everything. All in all, she will be in the NICU for about 6-8 weeks, depending on how long it takes for them to be able to put the bowel back in and how long it takes for her to be able to feed normally.
I would add some pictures of babies with gastroschisis, but I looked them up the other day and they are quite gross to be honest, so I will spare you the image details. Instead, here's an ultrasound picture of Baby Madison.
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